We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Betty ford says i'm here all night
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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