I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
