Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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