Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Randomize
