If i come over, it means nothing
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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