I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
are you so shy because you have an std?
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
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