Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
