Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
