i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
