Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
