So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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