I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize