woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
