my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
