do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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