I only kidnapped one of them. chill
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
