the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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