So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
