East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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