Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
