I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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