I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
