my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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