Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
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