Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
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