Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
