I am spending my child support on dildos
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Randomize
