well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
