I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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