Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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