Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize