On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
