well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
