i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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