it was like his penis was on wheels.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
