You just made me feel so damn special
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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