I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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