look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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