half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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