I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
