Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize
