it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize