Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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