I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
