oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
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