she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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