um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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