i need an iv and a liver transplant
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
