Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
