No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
