it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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