I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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