I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize