Please, let me fuck your mom
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
