Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Randomize
