You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
