What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
