I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
