so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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