I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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