i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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