I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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