time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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