It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
