It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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