just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
